The physical thank-you isn't dead, and it might just inspire your colleagues and clients to loyalty.

by Tim Sanders | June 06, 2011 | (6)

AFTER MY LAST TRIP, I FOUND TWO THANK-YOU CARDS WAITING FOR ME ON MY OFFICE DESK. One was from a meeting planner, the other from an event sponsor with whom I spent time during the meeting. The event had occurred a few weeks previously, and both parties had been effusive in thanking me for my contributions at the time.

“Class acts,” I said to myself as I read them. In our digitized world, thanks often come via email, text or tweet. These methods are fast, convenient and don’t require stamps—or much effort. I admit, I fall prey, issuing thanks into my recipient’s endless stream of incoming information. Problem is, these throwaway thank yous are all-too-often deleted, unread or quickly forgotten.

One bureau president I know sends out dozens of thank-you cards each week. He’s also teaching the practice to his son, explaining that being “great at giving thanks” is a personal and professional accomplishment. Recently, I asked him about why he puts out so much effort. “I want my thanks to stand out, be counted and make an impact,” he said. That’s why he’s one of the most respected people I know in the meeting industry.

In my latest book, Today We Are Rich: Harnessing The Power Of Total Confidence, I emphasize that people must exercise the gratitude muscle in order to garner the trust of their communities. When we focus our attention on the assistance of others, we are thinking about what we have, not what we lack. The exercise reminds us that we are not alone in our missions. 

Just the act of scanning our memory banks for reasons to be thankful is a positive-thinking generator. Think about all the people who helped you succeed during your last meeting. Team members, attendees, partners and even total strangers all exerted extra effort for you over a short period of time. You always have other people to thank. When you consider their intentions, you see how they are aligned to your objectives and, moreover, that they want you to succeed. 

Years ago, author William Ward quipped, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” When you express thanks effectively, you convey a sense of appreciation in others, fulfilling the norm of reciprocity. While many people don’t expect thanks, when you give it, people gain satisfaction in the fact that their contributions were noticed and properly noted. When you thank powerfully, your relationship with the recipient improves. Gratitude bonds people. 

There are two keys to Great Thanking: be physical and be specific. Buy a box of thank-you cards, and each time someone does something thoughtful or helpful, write out a quick note by hand. Mail it right away, when the experience is fresh. Make this a part of your post-event wrap. 

If you are saying thanks for a whopper of a contribution, include a thoughtful (and legal!) gift. Recently, I was a guest on financial analyst Dave Ramsey’s radio show, which exposed my new book to millions of people. He rarely hosts guests, but he made an exception for me. He invested most of his morning with me, eating and conversing prior to going on the air. Later, I felt like a card wasn’t good enough, so I also included a personal gift—a 1940s mechanical pen I found on Ebay.com that Dale Carnegie would give his best students. It says “Best Speech” on the side, and I knew it would delight Dave. He is a motivational memorabilia collector and showed me some of his trophies when I toured his facility. By giving this gift and card, he’ll have something to remember our experience by for a long time, and will realize how much I value him as a friend and supporter. 

It is also critical to be specific if you want to properly communicate the why behind your thanks. Explain exactly what someone did to help you and how that action made an impact: emotionally, financially or socially. The more you can document your gratitude, the more it will resonate with your recipient. The fact that you took the time to break it down will encourage similar help in the future. A general thank you feels generic and lacks the credibility to properly convey your appreciation. 

The multiple contributions of your mentors and long-time business partners are a different story. In these cases, Dr. Martin Seligman (father of the modern positive psychology movement) suggests that you conduct “a gratitude visit.” Here’s how it works: Think of someone who has helped you, been kind to you, made a difference in your life—but to whom you’ve never expressed thanks. Write a letter, clearly outlining what that person did and how much it has meant to you. Set up a meeting, and then read the letter out loud. Make this the whole point of the visit, and give the person a copy of the letter to keep. 

When Seligman’s students and patients at the University of Pennsylvania did this exercise, they were touched deeply by the experience. In many cases, both the author and recipient cried, moved by the spirit of gratitude. In some cases, the experience had a ripple effect, causing the receiver to think of someone who deserved thanks and leading to a powerful gratitude visit to that person. One+

Tim Sanders

TIM SANDERS, a top-rated speaker on the lecture circuit, is the author of Saving the World at Work: What Companies and Individuals Can Do to Go Beyond Making a Profit to Making a Difference (Doubleday, September 2008). Check out is Web site at www.timsanders.com.

TAGS: management , gratitute , column , One+ June 2011