by Tim Sanders | December 08, 2011 | (0)

Recently, I had an encore meeting with the CEO of a large corporation. In our first meeting, we hit it off like old friends, and he said my insights into his business were spot-on. It would have been easy to assume that, because of our strong rapport, our second meeting would lead to a consulting job for me, as well as a highly connected network friend. But instead of thinking, “this will be a piece of cake,” I knew that I needed to spend some quality time preparing for our second meeting.

According to my research, the second impression is just as important as the first. We put too much weight on making that ideal first impression, and assume that’s all that counts. We get lazy, thinking that the encore performance is a freebie that will obviously turn out well “because we dig each other, right?” Don’t kid yourself. You will never win someone over completely with one great meeting.

In relationships, business and social situations, the second meeting is always the hardest. This is especially true when the first meeting went well. While psychologists are correct that extreme first impressions set the tone for relationships, they don’t define boundaries or potential. Subsequent encounters determine the real quality of relationships. But we don’t train people for this. When the second meeting goes so-so, peer interest cools off, making it hard to ever have a third one.

Here’s what’s really going on: During a first meeting, people decide if we are compatible (familiar, nice, relatable). Being relevant to someone’s needs or interests takes the relationship to the next level.

Even in job interviews the first encounter shapes up your social fit, and subsequent interviews determine your competency. If the first meeting goes wonderfully, expectations often increase, making the second meeting even harder. A fluffy second interview can frustrate a hiring manager under pressure to find a top producer. The same goes for your personal life, from first dates to first encounters with the in-laws. If your second meeting is lacking, they wonder, “What happened?” 

Over the last few years, I’ve come up with five simple tips that will help you have a great second meeting and take your new relationships to the next level. From site visits to planning sessions to sales calls, this advice will help you rock it even bigger the second time around.

1. Remember the details of the first meeting. This is the golden rule of good conversation. People are irritated when they have to repeat themselves. If you don’t give them respect and full attention, why should they do the same for you? Try journaling the details of any great first impression. Note what was said, what was learned and how people felt about the conversation. Names are the most important thing to remember, especially those of the family and friends of your meeting partners. If you learned something from the last meeting, start at that piece of insight during the second meeting. 

2. Try not to repeat yourself too much. Everyone has his or her “greatest hits”—stories, jokes and observations. In many situations, this arsenal produces great first meetings. Prior to the second meeting, recollect the details of the first. Make bullet point outlines, including what stories or jokes you told and even what you wore. Bring novelty to the second meeting by using fresh content. But, be willing to take requests if you are asked to repeat parts of your first meeting for new eyes and ears.

3. Over prepare. As much as you prepped yourself for the first meeting, give as much or more effort for the second. Conditions change, audiences change and contemporary events change your value proposition/premise. Let the dialogue from Meeting 1 give you fodder for a much deeper dive into the details in preparation for Meeting 2.

4. Be grateful for the chance to meet again. If it’s a meeting for business, be grateful for the airtime. For your best potential partners, time is worth more than money. The same goes for paid engagements (from consulting to services). It’s a tough market out there, and you should give extra love to the people who give you repeat business. Don’t take them for granted. Be humble about the encore and show real gratitude. Meditate on it for a minute when you first wake up the day of the second meeting. 

5. Take it to the next level. Don’t think of this as another meeting. Life is short. Convert this warm and fuzzy transaction into a powerful relationship. Raise the bar on your encore performance. Move from getting-to-know-you to let’s-make-something-happen or let’s-make-progress-in-our-relationship. 

If you add these tips to your arsenal of relationship-building wisdom, you’ll have an advantage over people who are only interested is making good first impressions. How did my second meeting with that CEO go? Much better than the first, and I think we’re now in biz-love. One+

Tim Sanders

TIM SANDERS, a top-rated speaker on the lecture circuit, is the author of Saving the World at Work: What Companies and Individuals Can Do to Go Beyond Making a Profit to Making a Difference (Doubleday, September 2008). Check out is Web site at www.timsanders.com.

TAGS: column , business , One+ December 2011 , networking